Engage in Nighttime Parenting
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Practice Nighttime Parenting
The Ideal
If a parent is not comfortable with the idea of bedsharing, its important to remember the key is close proximity and responsiveness to the infant's nighttime needs.
- Safe bedsharing requires
- Not smoking around baby
- Not using alcohol or drugs (including OTC drugs like Sudafed or Benedryl)
- A firm mattress free of fluffy bedding and stuffed animals
- Using safety measures such as bed extenders or safe placement of the family bed
- Avoiding gaps of any kind, for instance between mattress and bed-frame or side-rails that may easily slide out from the mattress
- Never leaving a baby unattended in an adult bed
- Never placing a baby to sleep on a couch or chair
- Advantages to baby:
- Studies indicate that cultures that co-sleep have reduced incidence of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)
- There are more periods of light sleep beneficial to creating stable heart rates and breathing patterns
- Breastfeeding is better established through frequent nursings, which are facilitated by co-sleeping
- Baby feels warm and secure, therefore cries less
- Advantages to parents:
- More sleep
- Mother worries less about her infant
- Parents develop a closer bond to baby
- If sharing a bed doesn't work for you or your family
- Try other sleep arrangements, especially when there are older siblings:
- Bassinet by the bed
- Side-car: take one side of the crib off and securely place the crib close to parents bed
- Mattress, futon, or sleeping bag on floor for older children
- Establish a pleasant bedtime routine:
- Reduce stimulation by turning off the TV; before bedtime avoid giving a baby/child drinks or food containing caffeine such as chocolate milk, soda, tea, or chocolate candy
- Play soft music
- Give the baby/child a warm bath
- Rock, read and/or sing to your baby/child
- Young children who have their own bed will often go to sleep more willingly when parents lie down with them in their bed until they are very drowsy or until they go to sleep. Many parents have found that their children soon outgrow this need and happily go to sleep on their own.
- Try other sleep arrangements, especially when there are older siblings:
Information
Sleep issues with Young Infants
Common Concerns About Cosleeping
Q:I want to cosleep with my baby, but I'm concerned about his safety. What can I do to make it safe!?
A:Oh and some recommend that safe cosleeping is safest when it's just baby and MOM, not dad, too (something about moms having more "innate awareness" of where their babies are). And many recommend that it is NOT safe for a toddler to sleep in the same bed as a newborn . Certainly separating them as much in space as possible seems to make sense.
A:Sleep-sharing infants tended to sleep more often on their backs or sides and less often on their tummies, a factor that could itself lower the SIDS risk. Source: [1]
Sleeping Through the Night
Q:Our 7-month old daughter will not sleep! At about 3 & 4 months of age she would periodically sleep through the night. She even slept 10+ hours a few times. Although, most nights she would sleep 4-5 hours and then nurse and go right back to sleep for another 4-5 hours. Now she will only sleep 1-2 hours. What can I do?
A:What you are describing happens quite often around the age your little one is at right now. They start to realize that they are separate beings from mommy and daddy and can't quite realize that mommy is still there, even if she's not in sight.
What you are describing is her waking with nearly every sleep cycle. So, she cannot figure out how to get back to sleep when she reaches that lighter part of a normal sleep cycle (which is shorter than an adult's sleep cycle). She is used to nursing or rocking to get to sleep, and when she wakes, she needs/wants to return to the state that was created when she went to sleep the first time.
OK, here are my suggestions, resources and reassurances:
Link to GREAT Sleep info from Dr. Sears' website: Dr. Sears on Sleep
1 - crib in your room - No, I don't think having the crib in your room is causing her more waking. In fact, I think it is very reassuring to her to know that Mommy is close and comes right away when she calls out to you. If it is causing YOU wakefulness, because you hear her moving around every little sound she makes, then moving her crib might help you get more sleep when SHE is sleeping.
2 - I suggest you get and read the Elizabeth Pantley book called the No Cry Sleep Solution for infants (she also has a toddler/preschooler version). It has TONS of great ideas on how to help your baby create new sleep associations, so you can gradually go from rocking & nursing, to maybe patting to help her get to sleep.
3 - Taking her into your bed - NO, this is not going to cause a problem down the road, unless you consider respondign to your child's completely age appropriate needs while also responding to YOUR need to get more sleep a problem! Many many people will (try to) scare you off and tell you that letting your child sleep with you is going to mean that you never get them out of your bed. I can tell you as a mother of two children who did/do cosleep, it does NOT last forever, and in fact, by being available when your child needs you, including through the night, you are creating wonderful feelings of security and attachment inside your Riley that will last her whole lifetime!
Co-sleeping comes in many forms - from baby sleeping with mom and dad all night long, to starting out the night in their own bed and coming in when they wake up, or even starting out in mom's bed, transferring to a baby bed when they are deeply asleep, and then back into Mom's bed when they wake to nurse. Answering yours and your child's need for sleep does not have to be 'a problem'. My motto about sleep is wherever we ALL get the best sleep is the very best arrangement for our family.
I have the benefit of years of reading and research, my own 2 children, and a support network of friends who have experienced different degrees of co-sleeping. I can safely say that your child won't be in your bed when they start driving! :o)
Also, I am going to assume you know how to safely sleep with your baby. She's getting old enough where it becomes less of a concern as she can roll over on her own, but I'll post a link, just in case, for anyone else that might need it: Safe co-sleeping Guidelines
4 - Sleep patterns CAN be really disrupted during teething, sickness, or even just developmental milestones approaching. Many moms wonder 'what in the heck has gotten into my baby in the past few days?' when all of a sudden sleep is disturbed (or different) than it was. Then, crawling starts, or a tooth pops through, or another developmental milestone is hit. And then she says AHA, that's what it was!
5 - Napping - E. Pantley will tell you in her books that an overtired child will not sleep as well as a well rested one. So, often, the tendency to make a child stay awake so they sleep better backfires on us (oh, how I tried that with MY Riley)... I got to a point where I had to do ANYTHING I could to get her to nap well during the day, and once she was napping more regularly (and for a longer period), nighttime sleeping got better! Once again, that book will explain a lot of things that were a real light bulb for me.
6 - Crying it out - I am going to touch on this, because if you are getting as close to as desperate for sleep as I have been, you have probably considered (or even tried) to let her cry it out... this can SO backfire, because either A - baby will give up and go to sleep, which is SO sad, because baby gives up hope that someone will come and help her, because she doesn't KNOW how to get herself to sleep! We have to teach them! Or, B, she won't give up, and will just keep on crying and crying, eventually exhausing herself (if you let her go that long), or she may even vomit from the strength of her sobbing.
My ONE experience with Cry It Out with my son was the option B. He cried so hard he vomited. Then, for weeks after, every time I would walk near the crib, he would cling to me, terrified. Obviously, he was traumatized by being abandoned by me and left to his own devices. Very unfair of me, since I allowed him to create this nice cuddly association for sleep with my breasts, then I took that away without giving him the tools he needed.
I will also tell you that my DD has sleep issues in spurts. Every time I think I have her figured out, something changes. We are still working on the stupid daylight savings time shift. But, even if you just bring her in with you for a few weeks until you have more energy to implement a plan, that is SLEEP that you will be getting. Many families I know use a 'musical beds' type of arrangement. People sleep wherever they end up, as long as they are all sleeping. In our house, this usually involves me kicking my husband out of bed when his snoring won't let me sleep (usually around midnight), and DD coming in to my bed whenever she wakes up the first time, which can be anywhere between midnight and four AM. DD starts out the night in her bed, but that only started about a year ago? She was in my bed (or in her crib, which was sidecarred to my bed) before that.
A: I co-sleep with my daughter who at 8 1/2 months is just a little older than your DD. She needs to know I am close by at night. Since I am right beside her, she wakes up, we snuggle a little and she either nurses or just falls back to sleep. We went through a little stretch at about 7 months where she always nursed during those awakening/light sleep cycles. If we hadn't been in bed together, I would have been exhausted. She is back to just nursing around midnight and at 4am, sometimes she skips one of those. We both get great sleep with this arrangement. My husband never even wakes up during this time.
There are two reasons I feel that sleep sharing is good and important for the emotional and spiritual development of my DD. First, if you think about our development as a species and how other species similar to us mother their children, they do not put their babies away from them for sleeping. Predators would eat them. It is very normal for our children to be terrified when they awaken and are not close to their mother who will protect them. They don't know or understand that predators are unlikely to harm them in their beds in our society. All they know is that they are alone and frightened. Second, I was raised that children stayed in their own beds at night and were not welcome in mom and dad's bed until morning. I can still clearly remember waking up and going to where I could watch my parents sleep to be reassured that everything was okay. I must have done this a lot because I can remember it very clearly. I don't want to be an unwelcoming mother and not available to my daughter a significant portion of the time.
Actually I have a third reason, but since you are a SAHM it doesn't really apply. My DD doesn't like to drink my milk from a bottle. She wants it direct from the source. She drinks as little as possible for her to survive the day and waits until we are back together. On days that she hardly drinks at all at the babysitter, she is ravenous at night and nurses a lot . Sleep sharing allows us to spend good time together since we don't get to spend it together during the day. It doesn't make up for being apart all day, but it helps!
The Effects of Crying It Out
Sleep issues with Older Infants
Sleeping through the night
- My one year old still wakes at night and wants to sleep with me. Is this normal?
---Keep in mind that many developmental changes are happening at this age. It is very normal for children to not want to be alone... we are social creatures that don't want to be completely alone! Add in learning to walk and talk, getting all those teeth, and that babies are realizing they are separate beings from their mommies and they are not at all sure that mommy still exists when she can't be seen (or touched or smelled...)... well, I am not sure I would want to be alone in the dark of the night, either!
You may get some good reading out of Elizabeth Pantley's book The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers. This has gentle suggestions for helping your child be able to go from sleep cycle to sleep cycle easier.
No matter how little sleep I am getting, I try to keep in mind... they aren't waking up to irritate me, or bother me... they are waking up because they need something, even if that something is my help to learn how to sleep better. And, in the big picture, a 1 year old that needs my help to learn to sleep better is a small drop in the bucket of my life. I will probably lose MORE sleep over her as a teenager than I do with her as a toddler...
Resources
Co-Sleeping Information
FAQ on co-sleeping
Books on co-sleeping
www.cosleeping.org
Read The Benefits of Co-Sleeping
Harvard Study: Children need touching and attention
Safe Co-sleeping Guidlines by Dr. Sears
API Approved Resources The Family Bed Thevenin, Tine Perigee Trade 1987
Good Nights: The Happy Parents’ Guide to the Family Bed (and a Peaceful Night’s Sleep!) Gordon, Jay, MD, and Maria Goodavage St. Martin’s Griffin 2002
Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby And Child to Sleep Sears, William, MD Plume Books 1999
Sweet Dreams: A Pediatrician’s Secrets for Baby’s Good Night’s Sleep Fleiss, Paul, MD McGraw-Hill 2000
Other Reading
The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family (7/06) Sears, William, Sears, Martha, Sears, Robert and Sears, James Little Brown 2005
Crying Baby, Sleepless Nights: Why Your Baby Is Crying and What You Can Do About It, Revised Edition Jones, Sandy Harvard Common Press 1992
SIDS: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding and Preventing Sudden Infant Death Syndrome Sears, William, MD Little, Brown and Co. 1996
Three in a Bed: The Benefits of Sharing Your Bed With Your Baby Jackson, Deborah Bloomsbury USA 1999
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