Attachment Parenting : Shared Sleep

Dear API of Peoria,

My 7-month old son is generally a very happy baby, with the exception of sleeping. He just HATES to go to sleep - we have tried almost everything - cosleeping, crib sleeping, music, lights, no lights, no noise, rocking, singing - you name it! Once he finally goes to sleep, he has a terrible time staying asleep. I would love to go about some of my days not feeling like I'm in a "sleep daze." Any suggestions are welcome.

Sleepy Mom
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Dear Sleepy,

It's a well kept secret that (ready?)...Babies don't sleep. My best advice to you is to try to let that go. Once you stop worrying about it you will feel much less sleep deprived. I remember being so tired with my first because I just couldn't believe how little she slept and how often she awoke every night forever and ever. With my second child I wasn't nearly as tired because I didn't waste my energy on unrealistic expectations.

Babies awaken often during the night for quite some time. This is normal. The only reason you don't hear about it in our society is because America encourages detachment. Mainstream finds it unacceptable to have a baby who needs to be parented more than 16 hours a day. The reality is, babies need to be parented 24 hours a day no matter how inconvenient that is for the parents.

According to an ongoing anonymous API of Peoria e-group poll, 65% of 6-month-old babies wake on average 3, 4, 5 or more times a night, and 82% wake that often at 9 months of age. Night wakings increase between 9 and 14 months when some major developments occur such as mobility and speech, and then taper off again from 18 months, with most babies sleeping through the night by 24 – 36 months (note the big range there).

My advice to you is to reassure your baby that you are not going anywhere; you are not going to walk away or leave him to fend for himself. Make sure he is feeling securely attached and tend to his needs, both day and night. For most people (although not all) the easiest way to achieve this is to tuck baby in next to you at night. Your sleep cycles will get in synch & even if he awakens 6 times a night (very common for a baby to do so) neither of you will fully awaken & you'll fall back asleep easily.

DON'T: Look at the clock
Count how many times he has awoken
Count the hours between the two waking times.

DO: Catch him before he fully wakes up
Either nurse back to sleep, rub back, offer pacifier...whatever
Fall back asleep together
Expect that he will wake up often
Count your awake time in bed as quality rest time
Enjoy snuggling with your baby
Go to bed early
Take naps if possible with the baby
Know that this time will pass and some day you will sleep again!

Please be sure to throw as much our way as you need...We are here for you and your son!

Peaceful parenting, API of Peoria