Engage in Nighttime Parenting

The Eight Principles : Engage in Nighttime Parenting

"Is your baby sleeping through the night yet?" is often the first question people ask a new parent. The truth is that most babies do not sleep through the night, yet it is a myth that is perpetuated from generation to generation. Babies have needs at night just as they do during the day; from hunger, loneliness, and fear, to feeling too cold or too hot. They need the reassurance of a loving parent to feel secure during the night. Many babies do go through a phase where they sleep for longer periods of time only to begin waking at night during different developmental stages. They may wake occasionally during nightmares, teething, illness, growth spurts, or during times of transition in their lives. Babies are very sensitive to their parents' stress, which can affect their sleep patterns.

Parents can help their children learn that bedtime or naptime is a peaceful time; a time of quiet connection and snuggles. Even though young children may outgrow needing to eat during the night, they might still require comfort and reassurance.

Parents who are frustrated with frequent waking or who are sleep deprived may be tempted to try sleep training techniques that recommend letting a baby cry in an effort to "teach" him to "self-soothe". New research suggests that these techniques can have detrimental physiological effects on the baby by increasing the stress hormone cortisol in the brain, with potential long term effects to emotional regulation, sleep patterns and behavior. An infant is not neurologically or developmentally capable of calming or soothing himself to sleep in a way that is healthy. The part of the brain that helps with self-soothing isn't well developed until the child is two and a half to three years of age. Until that time, a child depends on his parents to help him calm down and learn to regulate his intense feelings.

Sleep Arrangements

API encourages parents to respond to the children's needs at night just like they do during the day

Explore the variety of different sleeping arrangements, and choose the approach that allows you to best be responsive at night

Remain flexible, and understand that it is developmentally appropriate and normal for babies and children to wake during the night

Infant solitary sleep is a relatively new practice that has evolved only in the last 100 years

Research demonstrates that sharing sleep, when practiced by informed parents, can be safe and beneficial

Babies who co-sleep cry less, and there are benefits to stabilizing heart rates and breathing patterns. Breastfeeding and attachment relationships are enhanced.

Cultures where parents routinely sleep with their children report some of the lowest SIDS rates, and in some of these cultures SIDS is non-existent

Families who choose to co-sleep should follow API's Safe Co-sleeping Guidelines:

Avoid smoking around baby, day or night. Babies, who are around smoke, even if it isn't in the bedroom, are at greater risk of SIDS
Never co-sleep when under the influence of alcohol, illegal drugs, or prescription or over the counter medications that cause drowsiness
Always place baby to sleep on her back
Baby should sleep next to mother, rather than between mother and father
Use a large bed with a mattress that fits snugly against the rail or is flush up against a wall.
Choose a firm mattress free of fluffy bedding and stuffed animals
Use safety measures such as side rails, bed extenders and safe placement of the family bed. Fill in any crevice with a rolled-up baby blanket or towel
Adjust baby's clothing based on her sleeping arrangements. A baby sleeping alone in a crib needs warmer pajamas than a child who co-sleeps and thus gets warmth from her parents. Overheating can be dangerous to infants
Never leave a baby unattended in an adult bed
Never place a baby on a couch, bean bag chair or waterbed to sleep
Do not allow baby-sitters or older siblings to sleep with baby

Nighttime Routines

Regardless of sleeping arrangements, nighttime routines often help everyone unwind from a busy day and help establish healthier sleep habits

Experiment to find the routine that works best for the child and remember that any bedtime routine may take 30 minutes or an hour or more

Keep in mind that sleep routines change as the child grows and matures. Keep your sense of humor and remain flexible

Help your child learn to trust her body when she is tired by recognizing the signs of tiredness, and not forcing her to sleep when she is not tired, or keeping her awake when she is tired, just for the sake of a routine

When the time comes for a child to transition to her own bed, make sure that the transition is gentle and that parents respond to any feelings of fear or upset experienced by the child

Young children who have their own bed often go to sleep more willingly when parents lie down with them in their bed until they are very drowsy or until they go to sleep. Children outgrow this need when they are developmentally ready and will happily go to sleep on their own

Older children may still enjoy a brief snuggle time with parents before bed

Neither parenthood nor co-sleeping needs to put a damper on intimacy; a little creativity, including timing and location, can ensure that intimacy is not unduly disrupted by a new baby

Attachment Parenting : The Eight Principles

Help! My baby is waking up several times in the night. What do I do?

Read the FAQ on Shared Sleep and Nighttime Parenting

Madelynn and Ella
sleeping together.

Bret and Caleb
ready for a nap.